I Miss You, Daddy!

It was on this date last year that my Daddy passed away so tragically and unexpectedly.

It is difficult to believe it has been a year since his death.

I miss him more than I could ever express. Probably what hurts the most is knowing how much he has missed with Emily this year, and not getting his hugs and hearing him tell me he loves me anymore. (He said it constantly, and I am so grateful!)

Yet, I know I only see things from a human's point of view. And my Daddy now sees them from God's point of view. Standing face-to-face with God, I know it must be impossible for my Daddy to feel like he's lacking anything--- because as hard as it is for me to understand, he's not.

When I think about the pain he was in his last week of life, when none of us knew he was dying, I can't help but rejoice for him that he will never feel pain again.

When I think about the granddaughter who is now growing up without him, I have to take comfort in the thought of him being Grampy to my three other children, who are in Heaven! The first two greeted him when he arrived, and then he was there to meet MacKenzie.

God and I have done a lot of talking this past year. I've done a lot of questioning, and tried to do a lot of listening, too. So many of my questions remain unanswered... particularly why my Daddy had to die when my mother, brothers and I were nowhere near ready to let him go... and when there was a three and a half year-old fan of his named Emily who was his life, who was nowhere near ready to let him go, either.

It is hard when you realize God doesn't owe you any answers. That sometimes you just have to accept that He is God and He knows what He is doing even when you can't begin to understand what He is doing; that His decisions are always perfect, because He is always perfect; that He acts out of love, even when it doesn't feel like it. I know He loves my Daddy, and I know He loves me. Whatever God's specific reasons were, He chose to take my Daddy home because of His love for him. God will comfort me because of His love for me.

Today marks one year that God has comforted me in a way I hadn't experienced before. And today marks one year that my Daddy has gotten to live with God, to stand face-to-face with Him and see Him in all His glory.